you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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