I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
