Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
