i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Someone signed my nipple.
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