quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
3 2 1 whiskey
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
