I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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