So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
