you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
