The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
