I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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