There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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