the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
