why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
