just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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