my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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