If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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