I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
