I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
