You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
