ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
