I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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