ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
