Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
