I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
