I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
