A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
