Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
