Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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