all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
