I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
