I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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