i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
