Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
