i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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