He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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