we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
