I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
