i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
