when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
