I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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