In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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