he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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