i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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