do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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