Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
