This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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