You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the day after is always just damage control
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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