I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
