I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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