he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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