i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
pop tarts are not kleenex
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
