boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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