I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
