There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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