there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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