i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
