just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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