i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
