last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So many bounce houses so little time
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
